We're so honored that our Village & Team member, Frankie, allowed us to share her story this month. Thank you Frankie for being so vulnerable and brave. Thank you for being apart of this village, we love you.

Please know you are not alone. At the bottom of this post you will find information for Postpartum Support Virginia.

The month of May has me in my feels and compelled me to share my motherhood journey. Not only did Mother’s Day just pass, but May is Maternal Mental Health Month, this past week (May 12-18) was National Women's Health Week, and it is also Asian American and Pacific Islander Heritage Month.

Flashback to last year, during my third pregnancy, I decided it was time to prioritize and mentally and physically prepare for the arrival of our 3rd kid. Like most people in the area we live in, we don’t have immediate family nearby for help and support with our kids. I first heard about Fit4mom with my first child and wished I had kept up with it, but as a new mom I felt like I couldn't handle it while also having to go back to work full time. I found my way back and Fit4mom has been the single greatest thing that’s helped fuel and restore my depleted self-care bucket since being a mom. I wanted to make sure I didn’t fall into the deep despair and self-inflicted isolation I felt with my second child but to my dismay, it still found its way to me completely shutting me down mentally. Only after having gone through PMADS Postpartum Depression with my second child, (during a pandemic) did I know that there was light at the end of that tunnel. I promised myself I would seek help if ever I experienced anything remotely close to it with my third child.

I’ve often been told “how do you do it- three kids, you look so put together!” Well I'll be 100 percent vulnerable right now and even though I love celebrating big and revel in letting my creative side unleash but, it hasn’t all come without its struggles.

"3, 2, 1...HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!"

2024, was off to a great start, then triggered by a “no-wins” kind of a day, I had shut down.

My kids are napping and I’m on the floor paralyzed and immobile to do anything but stay curled up on the ground asking myself "what do I do?" Our house, full of chaos and disorder (little things that in the grand scheme don’t matter nor bother me) but have somehow come to overwhelm me at this very moment.

Earlier I yelled at my kids for being kids.

Thoughts of “what kind of mother does that”, “they’d be better off without me”

“Knock, knock, I’m back” and the darkness has pulled me in.

Each morning I wake with dread, I want to go back to bed.

It’s shining bright and beautiful outside - I despise it.

I make plans, I’m a planner and over prepare to set myself up for success - that's what I do. To-do lists, I check them off and feel accomplished - nope, not right now. My mind has other plans and mentally I’m checked out and have no motivation. I feel hollow and a shell of a person left with a sinking feeling of just trying to get through the day.

Anxiety washes over me constantly for no reason, I don’t have anything I need to do but drop off and pick up my daughter to/from school and then be with my two kids the rest of the day.

I should feel so grateful I GET to stay home and be with my kids but it doesn’t feel like the blessing that I know it is.

This. Is. Not. Me.

I don’t feel like myself.

It’s time… you promised yourself you’d go get help.

I’ve always struggled to ask for help because I can take it, I can take it, I can do it myself. I don’t want to burden anyone with my problems…what's the point?

They tell you to go against what your mind is telling you.

I want to lay down- do the opposite and I make myself workout and exercise.

Reconnect with things that bring me joy. Things that usually give me life, I now question "why?" nothing seems to bring me out of this haze.

I tell someone, I tell my husband - this is new, I hadn't even told him the last time it happened to me. “You’re brave for getting the help you need” I don’t feel brave, I feel like I’ve let people down and frustrated that I feel this way and I don’t feel like myself.

I go see my OB, I get prescribed medication and handed a daunting packet of therapists they recommend.

I turn to my mom village for help. They help me find a therapist.

One thing at a time.

One day at a time.

When things get tough and my kids get upset and are struggling with something, I tell them to take a breath and repeat after me, “I can do hard things".

I tell myself to take a breath, deep inhale and slow exhale...

I can do hard things.

It’s been a battle like no other that I've ever endured in my life.

I'm glad to say that right now I’m in a much better place to where I feel like myself again.

I wanted to share my story to shed light and awareness to anyone going through it, but mostly to say you're not alone and that it might feel hopeless right now but, this too shall pass even if it feels like it won’t.

If you don't have a "village" Fit4mom is nationwide and they know you mama because they ARE you, and are waiting for you with open arms. I owe so much gratitude to this community of moms. Shannon Slayer, your heart and care can only be described as pure and rare. The mom tribe/village and community you’ve created, I feel so lucky to be part of and to know it as a safe space to turn to. Thank you Nikki Miller and Postpartum Support Virginia for what at the time felt like an intimidating task to sort through lists of providers, you made the process EXTREMELY easy and I’m so appreciative for your kindness and helping me to navigate and get me on my path to get better.

Thank you Ma for sharing with me your own struggles with raising three kids. Three kids, in a foreign country and Pa being deployed! You’re so strong in ways I never knew and I’m even more in awe of you since becoming a mom myself. Pa, your words of wisdom ring in my head often, “if you don’t have your health, you don’t have a lot." Your support means everything and glad we are growing to break the generational cycle of emotional suppression that plague most Asian households.

The biggest honorary thanks goes to my husband Christopher who I often feel undeserving of your unconditional love. The weight you carried for our family, I can't imagine going through it and hitting rock bottom than with anyone but you. The highest highs and lowest lows, you've seen it all and still continue to be my strongest advocate even when I can’t for myself"

For more information and access to services please visit postpartumva.org

Their warm line is available to call or text year round in English 540-698-1277 and Spanish 757-550-4234.

PSVa programs are not for people who are currently in crisis or have suicidal ideation. If you need immediate help, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 988 or the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline 1-833-852-6262 (1-833-TLC-MAMA)